


Remembrance and Rebirth

by tigriswolf



Series: poetry [36]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Grief/Mourning, Healing, Moving On, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-16
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2018-05-07 03:15:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5441438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tigriswolf/pseuds/tigriswolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I've been writing poetry lately.  There seems to be a theme, so I'm putting them all here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. snail mail

**Author's Note:**

> Title: snail mail  
> Written: November 23, 2015  
> Prompt: any. any. The empty house stands in silence.

I checked the mail today –  
Remember how we used to laugh about snails?  
Yeah, I do too, and it hurts  
Just as much as I knew it would.  
Anyway, what I wanted to tell you  
Is that a package came for you.  
I opened it, of course,  
What’d you think I’d do?  
Were you watching as I pulled  
Out that stack of books,  
As I flipped through the pages,  
Hearing you in every word  
I couldn’t help but read?  
Were you watching as I began to cry –  
I swear there was something in my eye.  
Were you watching as I piled them back  
In and shoved that box away,  
As I went to the bed that isn’t ours anymore  
And buried my face in a pillow  
That doesn’t smell like you anymore,  
As I breathed and breathed  
Waiting for you –  
But you’re gone and you’re never coming home.  
.  
I just wanted to tell you.  
Every time I think I’m finally used  
To this hollow feeling in my chest,  
To the fact I’ll never hear your laugh again,  
To the fact that I’ll reach for you and you can’t reach back,  
Something happens and I’m gutted again.  
.  
Anyway, I checked the mail today.  
I’ll read every one of those stupid books.  
I’ll leave them behind when I move away  
Because the sale was finalized today.  
We laughed and loved in every room  
And I can’t take the pain.  
I’ll leave the books for you, I promise.  
I know you wouldn’t blame me.  
Are you watching me?  
I can’t take the memories anymore.  
.  
The pillow doesn’t smell like you.  
I haven’t watched any of our videos since.  
I miss you.  
I just wanted to tell you.


	2. how this story goes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: how this story goes   
> Prompt: any, any/any, I love you doesn't mean I'll never leave you  
> Written December 2, 2015

when i whispered how much i adored you   
i didn't mean i'd always stay with you   
when i held you so tight   
i didn't mean i would never let go  
i know what you heard  
i know what i said   
i never used the word forever   
but oh i love you so   
part of me wants to stay   
but i know how this story goes 

i love you   
and that means i'm gone   
and you'll move on  
and maybe i will one day too   
and you'll remember me   
maybe with love turned to hatred  
and that's okay   
'cause one day it'll be indifference 

i never used the word forever   
i'm sorry you heard it in my touch   
i never promised to stay   
i never thought i would   
i won't say it's for the best   
but it is 

part of me wants to stay   
but we're so bad together   
i promise even though you can't see it now   
one day you'll look back and understand   
i love you but i'll move on   
you love me and so will you 

i never said forever   
and my arms ache to hold you   
but if i stayed   
i know how that story goes


	3. When I Wake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: When I Wake   
> Prompt: Any, any, What am I to do with all this silence?  
> Written: December 6, 2015

The house is quiet now  
I can't hear your laughter in the walls  
It's all in shadows now   
I dream and cry 'cause you're gone when I wake  
You're gone when I wake 

I go hours without a sound   
Can't stand the TV anymore   
The radio is never on   
It's all quiet now 

Sometimes I shout   
But usually it's silent   
All the sound in the world went out   
I don't know how to bring it back   
Everyone told me I should move on   
Step into the world again   
But how can I   
How can I when you're gone 

I took down all the pictures   
I can't eat your favorite foods   
It wasn't my fault they said   
How can I believe that  
How can I when you're gone 

It's all so quiet now  
A nightmare I'll never wake from   
It's all so hauntingly silent


	4. You Already Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: You Already Know   
> Written December 12, 2015

You wrote me a poem   
I skipped from word to word   
Looking for the apology   
It wasn’t there   
But you already know that   
.  
You painted me a portrait   
Of everything you’re looking for   
It was beautiful   
But I looked at it and didn’t see   
Any part of me   
You already know that, of course  
.  
You serenaded me with your favorite song   
The one I told you reminded me of days I want to forget   
Of things that happened   
Before we ever met   
I listened and it hurt   
And you already know that   
.  
I think I have known all along   
But I tried so hard to pretend   
That the thought hadn’t occurred even once  
You want perfection   
Maybe I did, too   
But perfection doesn’t exist  
And if it did  
I still wouldn’t perfect for you   
Any more than you could be perfect for me  
.  
You wrote me a poem   
Here is mine to you   
You painted me a portrait   
And sang me a song   
I can only scribble a bit   
But this me screaming out the truth   
I’m not enough for you   
And I deserve better than you   
It’s taken me this long to understand   
It’s taken me this long to find the strength   
So here are the words  
The last thing I’ll ever say to you   
.  
You’ve taken enough of me   
This is me taking it all back   
I’ll leave you your poem and your portrait   
I’ll try to forget that song   
Along with all the things I’ve forgotten   
From my life before you   
I promise I won’t pine   
I’ll do my best to not miss you   
.  
This is goodbye   
I suppose you already know that


	5. past tense

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: past tense   
> Written December 14, 2015

You’re a story that I read   
Again and again   
Hoping in vain for the end to change   
But it never does 

I counted down the hours   
‘til you were gone   
And now every week   
I stop by your stone with your favorite flowers 

You’re a song that I skip on the radio   
‘cause I just can’t take the words   
I listened once and it burned   
I can’t even hum along 

I want to remember how you used to laugh  
How it filled up the house  
And I wasn't so sad

I want to remember how you danced  
Spinning ‘round ‘til you collapsed

I want to remember the way your eyes would smile  
Every time you planned a surprise  
And I always found out  
You were such a terrible liar

I still don't know how you hid it for months  
You were saying goodbye all that time  
And I never heard ‘til the last

I tell you this every week rain or shine   
I’m sure you’re tired of hearing it   
But I just can’t stop the tide 

I wish sometimes we could trade places   
But I’m not sure I ever mean it   
I wouldn’t want you to feel this way 

You’re a story I read again and again   
Praying the end will change   
But I still cry as I turn that page  
And it never does


	6. chapter 5 "past tense" revised

You’re a story that I read  
Again and again,  
Hoping in vain for the end to change—  
But it never does.  


             I counted down the hours  
           ‘til you were gone,  
            And now every week,  
            I stop by your stone with your favorite flowers.  
 

You’re a song that I skip on the radio  
‘cause I just can’t take the words.    
I listened once and it burned.  
I can’t even hum along.  
 

      I want to remember how you used to laugh,  
            How it filled up the house.  
            I want to remember how you danced,  
            Spinning ‘round ‘til you collapsed.  


      I want to remember the way your eyes would smile  
            Every time you planned a surprise; I always found out—  
            You were such a terrible liar.  
      I still don't know how you hid it for months.  


You were saying goodbye all that time.  
And I never heard ‘til the last  
I tell you every week rain or shine;  
I’m sure you’re tired of hearing it,  


             But I just can’t stop the tide.  
           I wish sometimes we could trade places  
           But I’m not sure I ever mean it.  
          I wouldn’t want you to feel this way.  


  You’re a story I read again and again,  
Praying the end will change—  
But I still cry as I turn that page  
And it never does.


End file.
